Budiak's Bag: Items 23-28
I know it's been quite a journey, but you've made it. These last six items might...nay...will make the difference between life after the fall and being a statistic. Enjoy.
Item Twenty-Three: Machete
The Most Knife Four Dollars Can Buy At The Flea Market
This weapon has been wielded by some of the greatest icons in the action/adventure/horror world. Indiana Jones. Jason Vorhees. Paul Hogan. I wouldn't want to know a world full of the undead (or vines) that didn't have a machete in it. It even came with a sheath. A deadly bargain indeed. Also for opening large mail.
Item Twenty-Four: Ketchup Bottle Full of Gasoline
Squeezable Octane
Gasoline...it fuels the world and it will fuel the world beyond the blast. It can be used to do so many things that it would be an insult to utility itself to attempt to list the uses. The bottle is small, durable, and is the perfect delivery system for that dino-juice that you crave so dearly. Though this isn't exactly enough to fill a tanker truck, it is worth its weight in gold, the value of which of course, in the future, will be measured in ketchup bottles of gasoline.
Item Twenty-Five: Lineman's Pliers
The Last Tool You Need in the Last Days
I cannot stress highly enough how important these are. Using this manual marvel you can immediately malign even the most malicious mechanical menace. Perfect for lifting hot things and for breaking fingers in trade for information, you will never be without the perfect tool for the job. They even come with a handy belt-loop holster and rubberized grips to stay close and in your hands when things get hairy. And things will get hairy.
Item Twenty-Six: Headwrap
One-piece Disguise Kit
In case the apocalypse was brought upon by terrorist action, this might confuse a group of aggressors long enough for me to either make my escape or score a sweet backstab bonus. Given my Italian facial hair and combined with the bronzer, I could fool even the wiliest jihadi. Also a delightful tablecloth.
Item Swenty-Seven: Twine
190 Feet of Function
If you need something tied up, look no further. Twine can take care of the heaviest-duty task. Whether you need to secure a third bag to your BOB, tie two shopping carts together for extra cargo space, or to make sure that glove full of ketchup doesn't leak, you can do it with Twine.
Item Twenty-Eight: Latex Glove Full of Ketchup
The Perfect Condiment
Combined with Item Eleven, it can create perfect flavor synergy in any dish.
Well, that's it. I hope that you had as much fun learning about what it takes
to prepare for the end of the world as I did preparing this lesson. Now that you've
made it the whole way through, I'll remember to look for you when the smoke clears and
the dust settles. There's a mutated howl on the dusk horizon, and there's just you...
and Dynamitegun.
Until next time.
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