Wolfenstein 3D Platinum

For iPhone and iPod Touch

Wolfenstein...the grandfather of the FPS is available on the iPhone and iPod touch. It has been on for some time, but it was recently offered with a free upgrade to Wolf3d Platinum- which adds tons of play, including the 'Spear of Destiny' expansion.
Fopr those amongst us who are privileged enough to be old enough to remember this game, it is a classic story. Our hero is imprisoned in Castle Wolfenstein, one of countless necessary Nazi strongholds. He escapes one night, and starts killing his way to freedom. No grenades, no major plot twists, no sword-wielding invisible ninja warriors, no laser rifles, no fancy polygons, no 5.1 surround sound, no hi-def graphics...in essence, NO BULLCRAP.

That screenshot says more than I could possibly say in one article. That screen defined gaming for a decade. Long corridors of one, maybe two textures. Floors just as ornate. A cieling, bare, save for the hanging lights lined up with German efficiency. A machine gun and a square jawed hero standing above the sprightly remains of a fallen Nazi. How many times do I lay in bed at night, trying to remember when games were true to form? When all you wanted was to log on, shoot a Nazi, and then kick off for a night of restful slumber? Well, boys, those days are BACK! There is nothing wrong with this game.
Well, there are some things that are slightly less than perfect. The controls take a lot of getting used to, and it took considerable fenagling before I got them set just right to how I felt comfortable playing. Whichever control scheme you choose, it will probably include the 'tilt to move' or 'tilt to turn' function, which is blessedly included and comes with the highest praise of this writer. Thankfully though, the controls are highly customizable, as you are able to manipulate the layout of the entire screen to your liking. Just drag each component of the HUD to wherever you want it to be, and there it rests in one of the most brilliantly thought out display schemes I've ever seen.
The map is also well adapted to the medium. The dynamic map allows for zooming, dragging, and seems to be far more helpful right now at 28 years old than it was back then at 13. I don't know why I didn't use the map before now, but it's probably the same reason why some of those old games are so easy now. I've simply been annointed with suprahuman gaming abilities. Or not. One of the two is true.
Map Screen

Wolf 3D Platinum is good. It's really good. In fact, I have played hours and hours and hours of this game, and I keep coming back to it. It's not good because of why a lot of games are good. A lot of games are good because we remember them being part of our lives at an innocent time that we remember fondly. Wolfenstein is not one of those games- it is a good game back when we weren't monsters seeking redemption and it is STILL a good game, worthy of play by a modern gamer. It is full of action, suspense, shooting Nazis, and classic key hunts. Nothing is here that doesn't need to be, and it isn't full of gimmicky crap like so many new games. Even as I write this, I realize how foolish it is to call this game something as demeaning and pedestrian as 'good'. This game is superb- even on an iPod. It was awesome almost 20 years ago and it is still awesome today. Get it. It's worth five times the pittance they currently ask. Do it now!

All the...what a dirty joke. I imagine that more than one keyboard was punched because of this.

The Good

Classic game, classic gameplay, timeless gaming experience.

The Bad

Lets not mince words here. The Graphics are classic, too. Hard to master control scheme.

Wolfenstein #d Platinum= 95%