The Dynamitegun Guide to Building a Snow Fort

By Budiak
*warning* This article contains Dynamite-sized images, and may cause dialup modems to catch fire. Please be cautious.

Ahh, the snow. Uncounted billions of tiny unique gossamer shreds of ice crystals falling blissfully from the heavens. Flitting gracefully along, whimsically, riding the invisible winds and drafts, falling ever downward towards their frozen destination. Snow can be a fickle mistress. It blocks roads, obstructs scenery, yet its pillowy visage begets wonder in a young man's heart. The frolicking, the jesting, and the downright bliss that comes from a snowy day can warm even the most crotchety curmudgeon's heart.
There comes a time in every man's life when he has to buckle down. When he has to survey the land around him and form his environs into an unbreachable shelter against the wilderness of the elements and the wilderness of man. There comes a time in every man's life when he requires shelter. Shelter from zombies, shelter from nuclear fallout, and most poignantly: shelter during an all-out snow war.
This is where Dynamitegun steps in.
On a recent jaunt to the majestic Lake Tahoe, I had such an itch. I grabbed my most rugged boots (that I found) and my most protective (borrowed) snowboarding jacket, and set out to create the ultimate shelter against the impending snowball war to end all snowball wars. This is the chronicling of that endeavor. I'm going to jump headfirst into step one, because time is of the essence.

Step 1: Find a Suitable Location

This is perhaps the most crucial step in the entire process. There is no more important time in your life than the time you will take to carefully plan out where you will make your stand. The key to this selection process is defensibility. For purposes of illustration, I will offer to you a picture of what will be the bedrock foundation of our castle.

You can see that there is already a readily sturdy foundation of icepack created by the plows that frequently zoom up and down the icy road. This is good. In fact, this is very good. This stuff will easily support a man and it is the perfect material with which to create stairs, bricks, and a delightful foyer. Our rented vacation home is on the upper left of the image. The house to the right is vacant. So it is, for all intents and purposes, the perfect situation.
Panning left, we see east side of the fort space.

It may not look like it at first, but beneath that marshmallow-fluffy exterior is a harsh and icy crag. To the unsuspecting assailant- an easy way in. To the crafty fort builder- an unscalable deathtrap.
Now, a wider view of the street, to show the general area, and to give some much needed perspective to the scene.

Part Two- Terraforming; Wall Construction

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